Funny News Events

[yarnellcg17]

This thread about Funny News Events

Dumb Criminal acts included.. to leave those out..
Would be criminal..:D
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Not knowing to quit..while your ahead?

A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

[JsWoman]

Russian thieves dressed up as police officers to hijack trucks in route from St. Petersburg to Moscow. Ananova reports that when the drivers got out to show identification, they were tied up, tossed into a waiting car, and driven into the forest while other gang members made off with the booty.

In all, the well coordinated operation netted the thieves three trucks filled with thousand of rolls of toilet paper.

In related news, a Chicago man is in deep doo doo after he stole a police car to get to work. The guy was busted after he stopped to assist a citizen who was flagging him down for help.

[yarnellcg17]

A ne’er-do-wells invite to become Sequestered for Jury Duty..

In Fredericksburg, Texas, there is a local ne’er-do-well. His criminal acts include such gems as offering to send a bomb to the local District Attorney, and assaulting the girl’s basketball coach during an argument about his daughter’s game.
Mostly, though, he upsets the local cops by committing some minor infraction, and then racing home to his junkyard (a genuine junkyard), locking the gates and refusing to come out and be arrested. In order to avoid a Waco-type standoff, they mostly just let him stay inside. One day, however, a worker at the courthouse noticed that this guy’s name came up on the list to be sent a summons for jury duty.
She mentions his name to the Sheriff and asks if she ought to just throw it away, right? And the Sheriff told her to send it anyway. Behold, on the day the jury convened, who should show up but our hero, who was promptly arrested and hauled off to jail. Guess you can’t let a little fear of arrest stop you from performing your patriotic duties.

[JsWoman]

Ok, what I'm about to post isn't funny as much as good to know. I just got it in an email...


WHY WAIT UNTIL 2008? THERE IS AN ELECTION IN 2006. I HEREWITH FIRMLY STATE THAT I WILL NOT VOTE FOR ANY POLITICIAN, REGARDLESS OF THE OTHER ISSUES, IF HE DOES NOT SPONSOR AND SUPPORT THIS LEGISLATION. THAT INCLUDES EVERYONE STANDING FOR ELECTION IN 2006.
>
> LET US SHOW OUR LEADERS IN WASHINGTON "PEOPLE POWER"AND THE POWER OF THE INTERNET. LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE WITH ME ON THIS BY REPLYING AND FORWARDING TO EVERYONE IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK.
>
> ABOVE MESSAGE DATED 4/25/05
> IN CHATTANOOGA, TN
>
>
>
> IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU AREREPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT!
>
>
>
>
> KEEP IT GOING!!!!
>
>
>
> 2008 Election Issue!!
>
> GET A BILL STARTED TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOC. SEC.
>
>
> This must be an issue in "2008" Please! Keep it going.
>
> ----------------------------------
>
> SOCIAL SECURITY:
>
> (This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)
>
> Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.
>
> Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.
>
> You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society.They felt they should have aspecial plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in theirown benefit plan.
>
> In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.
>
> For all practical purposes their plan works like this:
>
> When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.
>
> Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments..
>
> For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years of their lives.
>
> T his is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries.
>
>
> Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.
>
> Their cost for this excellent plan is $0.00. NADA....ZILCH....
>
> This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;
>
> "OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK"!
>
> From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into,-every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer)-we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per monthafter retirement.
>
> Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator! Bill Bradley's benefits!
>
>
>
>
> Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.
>
> That change would be to:
>
>
> Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us
>
>
> then sit back.....
>
>
> and see how fast they would fix it.
>
> If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve.
>
>
>
> How many people CAN you send this to?
>
>
> Better yet.....
>
>
> How many people WILL you send this to ?

Hope you all found this as informative as I did. If you did, please copy it and mail to people on your email list. If not, then just ignore it. Thanks for your time. :D

[Arkacia]

I've heard of this happening before. Some makers of bird seed really need to watch what they're putting into the mix as those seeds can kill birds.

Granny's seeds help birds fly high

A granny in Norway who scattered bird feed in a flowerbed outside her retirement home unknowingly fed them cannabis seeds.

The daily Drangedalsposten reports that it was Inger Livold's grandchildren who noticed the mix-up.

"'Hey granny, that's hashish you have there. You can't grow that in your garden' they said," the 81-year-old told the paper.

The report says the cannabis seeds must have been inside the bag of bird feed.

Ms Livold called the police herself to alert them to the illegal plants, and they came and tore them up.

She is not expected to face any legal troubles.

[yarnellcg17]

That poor old lady..good thing nothing is going to happen to her..
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Humpty Dumpty no longer sits on the wall..

INDIAN SHORES, Fla. -- Humpty Dumpty no longer sits on the wall. But rather than an epic fall, thieves are to blame this time.



The 3-foot bronze Humpty character, a commissionedartwork that for the past year has adorned the beachfront home of Hugh Smith and his wife, Diana Fuller, vanished last weekend. And they desperately want him back.
"He was kidnapped," Fuller said. "We're waiting for a ransom demand."
The couple ordered the piece two years ago from an artist who specializes in making sculptures of the nursery rhyme characters. They specified Humpty's size, his expression and even the colors he should wear. They paid $5,112 for the whimsical, 60-pound piece they bolted atop a pillar of a concrete wall at their home.


The couple is offering a reward for his safe return.


"We will not only bolt him, we will secure him back to his wall," Fuller said. "We will pen him up.
There's always one bad egg who spoils it for everyone else."

[JsWoman]

Maybe we should change this from funny to something else... But I have another one that I just got, that I think other people would appreciate seeing to protect themselves.

****ATTENTION****



We have been informed by Verizon that on September 1, 2005 ALL cell phone numbers will be released to telemarketing companies and you will more than likely start to receive sales calls. YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS by your cell phone carrier. To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 1-888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time and it blocks your number for five (5) years. This applies to all cell numbers no matter who your service provider including Verizon, Cingular, T-Mobile, etc.

You can also register your cell phone online at www.donotcall.gov



Thank you,

Information Services

Help Desk Support


Use it if you have a cell phone, unless you want all those nasty calls.

[yarnellcg17]

http://www.dumbcriminalacts.com/images/icons/farside_cow.gifColombian officials have jailed a cow for causing traffic accidents. That’s right, a cow.

A cow has been put in prison after it was blamed for a road accident in Colombia.

The cow was wandering along a road in Giron when was hit by a woman on a motorcycle.

The woman was not badly hurt but police decided the cow was a danger and ‘arrested’ it.

Officers were unable to find out who owns the [cow] and are keeping it in the town’s prison.

A police spokesman said: “If it was a person who caused the accident, he or she would be behind bars, so why not a cow?”

[yarnellcg17]

Pass me the Laughing Gas

Officer Carlo Drogo responded to the store to investigate a report of a possible intoxicated driver shortly before 7 p.m. Friday. As the officer approached the truck, the passenger tried to hand him a balloon. Police said they found a nitrous oxide tank in the truck’s passenger side, where Crispo was sitting. Crispo told police he has a permit to possess nitrous oxide because he is a welder. A card on the tank read, “If any person is stopped by law enforcement or city official for illegal use of nitrous oxide notify South Philadelphia Propane and the person will be removed from our file permanently.” Drogo indicated he would make the company aware of Crispo’s arrest.

[Arkacia]

Continuing the list of stupid thieves, we have this little gem...

German thief caught after online sale to victim

A German thief stole a man's in-car navigation system and unwittingly auctioned it online back to his victim, who had police arrest him, authorities say.

Police in Berlin say the 26-year-old victim spotted the device on an Internet auction site and quickly reacquired what he had reported stolen from his car some two weeks previously.

He informed police, who went to the thief's house posing as the buyers and then arrested the 21-year-old.

"I think the thief got a bit of a surprise," a Berlin police spokesman said, adding the man confessed to the theft.

- Reuters

[yarnellcg17]

Oh yes..we love our dumb criminals..hehehehe. :angel2:
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'Bigamist' forgot she was married :rolleyes:

A 36-year-old woman who's been charged with bigamy in Norway says she forgot she was already married.

She told police she forgot her marital status when getting married for the fourth time since moving from Africa, reports Bergens Tidende.

"The woman has been reported to the immigration division of the police. An investigation has begun and we believe the last marriage was purely a formality," police lawyer Anette Vangsnes said.

The woman came to Norway in the 1990s, married a Norwegian man and was later divorced. In 2002 she wed an African man, but this marriage also broke up before too long.

In February 2004, the woman married another African man. According to the national register, this relationship is still valid.

In August 2004 the woman's third husband went away on holiday and while he was gone the woman took a fourth husband, another African man.

When the latest groom applied for residency permission in Norway police got suspicious and the woman's marital history came to light.

"She has no other explanation other than that she had forgotten she was married," Vangsnes said.

A conviction for bigamy or polygamy is extremely rare in Norway and only seven cases have ever gone to trial, usually with men charged.

[JsWoman]

Don't have any news to put up, but think that last one Yarnell put up is crazy!! How can you "forget" that you're married?? That just doesn't compute.... :rolleyes: I know I can forget a good many things, but to forget that I'm married??? Will never happen.

[yarnellcg17]

It's a Small World

It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all… Getting annoyed already? Well, you’re not alone, and neither is this next dumb criminal. Police in West Hartford, Conn., arrested the 46-year-old man on August 21 after he threatened to castrate an ice cream truck driver. According to Sgt. Jeff Rose of the West Hartford Police Department, the truck was making its way through a residential street when Flynn suddenly ran out of his house and planted himself in front of the slow-moving vehicle. Flynn was allegedly holding a pair of hedge clippers that he waved at the 17-year-old driver. He ordered the driver to turn off the truck’s jingle and to leave the area. “The truck was playing ‘It’s a Small World,’” Rose said. “[Flynn] later told us he hates ice cream truck music.” As the driver drove away, Flynn ran alongside the truck and made cutting motions with his hedge clippers. Flynn was later arrested and charged with threatening and breach of peace. He was released on $500 bond.

[JsWoman]

Wow!!! Poor kid. Prolly wanted to get out of that area fairly quick, or lose all chance of having kids or any fun, in the future. I wouldn't blame him if he gunned it out of that area, and quit his job thereafter.

[yarnellcg17]

Chicken thief on Interpol list

A Romanian man who stole seven chickens from a neighbour was surprised to find he was on Interpol's most wanted list.

The 51-year-old chicken thief, from Iasi in eastern Romania, who is unnamed for legal reasons, had left the country four years ago.

But when he returned to visit family he was told by border guards he had been identified from an Interpol list of dangerous fugitives - for stealing chickens from his neighbour's farm before he left.

Police spokesman Serban Pittner said: "He was a wanted man for four years. Officers identified him by his international arrest warrant for stealing seven chickens."

The international chicken thief has been sentenced to three and a half years in jail.

[JsWoman]

Hmm.... He stole chickens, so was on a list of most wanted criminals?? OMG!! That's crazy, if you ask me... I would think that after 4 years they would let it go. Oh, well.. Not my place to judge. :D

[yarnellcg17]

'My Dad's burgling your house'

A Dutchman who found two children in a strange car was stunned when they said their parents were inside his house, burgling him.

The 31-year-old man returned from work to find the car in the drive of his home in Pieterburen, near Groningen, reports Nu.nl.

Two children were sitting on the back seat so the man asked them where their father was and was told he was "robbing" the house.

The man rushed inside to find a man and a woman who immediately ran out and drove off with the children.

The man could not catch the burglars, who did not steal anything, but was able to describe the whole family to the police.

[JsWoman]

Germans break shower record

Seven Germans have broken the world shower record after standing under running water for more than four days.

The five men and two women, aged between 17 and 25, from Hoevelhof, showered for over 101 hours to break the 100 hour record set in 2000 by a group of Berliners.

The rules of the record attempt allowed the group just a 10-minute break every hour and a number of the swimwear-clad participants slept standing up under the shower.

Ten people began the wet feat on Wednesday, with three dropping out on Saturday.

A 17-year-old boy who managed to stay under the shower for the longest won £1,360.

Marion Sander, spokeswoman for the Hotel Victoria where the event took place said afterwards: "The participants are physically in good health, but very tired. We'll now register their successful attempt with the Guinness Book of Records."

[yarnellcg17]

Woman 93, grabbed robber where it hurts

A 93-year-old woman with a "grip like iron" fought back against a robber by grabbing him by the testicles.

The Lithuanian woman, who says her strong grip is down to years of milking goats, held on to the man until police arrived.

Soja Popova, from Klaipeda, was shoved to the ground when she opened the door to two young men.

But she fought back by grabbing the nearest by the testicles and squeezing "with all my force as hard as I could".

She told police: "He started screaming like an animal and his friend was trying to pull him free, but I have a grip like iron."

The man's screams of agony and his friend's shouts for the woman to let go alerted neighbours, who called police.

The pair were caught after escaping through a bedroom window and into the street where a police car was waiting to take the injured man to hospital and his friend to a jail cell.

A police spokesman said: "They would not have got far, one of them could hardly walk and seemed pleased when he saw the police car. He demanded that he be taken to hospital because he was in so much pain."

[JsWoman]

Countryside smells bottled as perfume

A perfume that smells of a country village is about to be launched in Holland.

L'essence de Mastenbroek is said to smell like the village of the same name in the north west of Holland.

The scent is a mixture of hay, cattle and herbs and spices, reports Gazet van Antwerpen.

"We've chosen not to use orchids, roses or other flowers," said a spokesman for SKOR, the Foundation for Art and Urbaniz.

"The whole idea is to bring back the smell of the countryside to the city, because people have forgotten how the country really smells."

L'essence de Mastenbroek is only for sale in the Bijenkorf chain of shops. The price is not yet known.

[yarnellcg17]

Man lost job for being 'dead'

A Romanian man returned from his holiday to find he had lost his job because he had been declared dead.

Valentin Lefter, 20, from Focsani, said he was shocked because he'd only been away for two weeks.

He returned from his summer break to find a letter from wine-bottling company Prodecam Vanatori.

"The letter, addressed to my wife, apologised for my passing away and said any outstanding payments would be sent to her within the next month," said Lefter.

When he rang company bosses, they apologised and said the letter had been sent out because of a computer error.

But they said he could not have his job back because they had already employed someone in his place, reported local media.

He now plans to sue the company for £10,000.

[JsWoman]

Rescuers interrupt lovers

Authorities in Belgium launched a rescue operation after a couple were spotted 'struggling' in the sea - only to find they were making love.

The alert was raised after a man from De Panne spotted the couple with his binoculars and contacted the coastguard, reports Het Nieuwsblad.

A Sea King rescue helicopter from a military base in Koksijde, a lifeboat and local police officers were all drafted in to help the couple.

But when the two swimmers were finally 'rescued' they complained there was nothing wrong with them and they had never been in any danger.

The 23-year-old girl, from Waterloo, was wearing only her partner's boxer shorts while the man, also 23, was completely naked.



Love motel for pets

A love motel exclusively for pets has opened in Brazil.

The Pet Love motel, in Sao Paulo, offers decorated rooms for pets to mate.

Las Ultimas Noticias reports that it is aimed at pet owners who are concerned for their animal's needs.

The rooms in the motel, at Barra Funda, are decorated in the same way as love motels for humans, with satin sheets, ceiling mirrors and lots of cushions.

A Pet Love spokesperson said: "Pets have needs and they also want some excitement."

[yarnellcg17]

Cop accidentally shoots man while on loo

An off-duty policeman's gun went off twice as he pulled down his pants to use the toilet, injuring a man.

Officer Craig Clancy was attending a car auction in San Antonio when nature called.

As he undid his trousers, the gun fell from its holster.

Officer Clancy tried to catch it, but accidentally fired two bullets when his finger grabbed the trigger by mistake.

Police spokesman Gabe Trevino told KSAT news: "As Clancy tried to stop the gun from hitting the ground, his finger entered the trigger guard, which cause the weapon to go off twice.

"The first bullet went through the wall of the cubicle and through the pants of a man, grazing his leg."

The injured man, who was washing his hands at the time, was taken to hospital.

The Texan police department for internal affairs is investigating the incident.

[JsWoman]

Drug dealers hitched lift from cop

Two Romanian drug dealers were arrested when they accepted a lift from a passing drugs squad officer.

Catalin Vasile and Gheorghita Marienescu, both 22, from Targu Frumos, had filled their rucksacks with 25 ounces of cannabis from their own plantation.

They started hitch-hiking on their way back into town when it started to rain - and got a lift from an off duty police officer with the local drugs squad, who soon recognised the distinctive smell.

Policeman Florin Ardelean said: "I saw the two men standing near a field trying to hitch a lift. I felt sorry for them as it had just started to pour down and so I stopped to help.

"I smelt the cannabis on them as soon as they had shut the doors."

The policeman then drove the pair straight to the police station in Targu Frumos.

He added: "It turns out they had been cultivating the drugs for some time in the field and were selling it locally."

The pair are now facing up to five years' jail on charges of growing and dealing drugs.



Thief 'drinks' work of art

An artist's latest work - a bottle of melted Antarctic ice - may have been stolen and drunk by a thirsty thief.

Artist Wayne Hill filled a two-litre clear plastic bottle with melted ice to highlight global warming.

But the artwork, valued at £42,500, went missing while on display at a literary festival, reports the Scotsman.

Entitled Weapon of Mass Destruction, it vanished halfway through the Ways with Words festival at Dartington Hall, Devon.

Mr Hill said: "It looked like an ordinary bottle of water, but it was on a plinth, labelled, described and in the programme of the whole festival.

"It was very, very clear what it was - a work of art."

The work uses water taken from the threatened west Antarctic ice sheet, which is currently melting at the rate of 250 cubic kilometres a year, he said.

Mr Hill added: "Nobody has any idea what has happened to it. It was there and then it was gone."

[yarnellcg17]

I'm 21!

A man walked into the corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the money from the cash register. After the cashier put the money in the bag as instructed, the man demanded the bottle of Scotch he saw behind the counter. The cashier refused to hand over the Scotch because he did not believe the man was 21. The robber swore he was, but still the clerk refused. Finally, the robber handed over his ID and proved that he was indeed twenty-one. As soon as he left, the cashier called and gave the police the name and address of the man who had just robbed the store. The suspect was arrested two hours later.

[JsWoman]

Danes provide prostitutes for the disabled

The Danish government is under attack for paying for its disabled citizens to have sex with prostitutes.

The official 'Sex, irrespective of disability' campaign pays sex workers to provide sex once a month for disabled people.

The legal guidelines advise: "It could be of great importance that the carer speaks to the prostitute together with the person in their care, to help them express their wishes."

But opposition parties have attacked the regulations, claiming it is an immoral way of spending tax-payers' money.

Social-Democrat spokesperson Kristen Brosboel said: "We spend a large proportion of our taxes rescuing women from prostitution. But at the same time we officially encourage carers to help contact with prostitutes."

But Stig Langvad of the country's Disabled Association said the politicians critical of the plan are showing "double standards".

He said: "The disabled must have the same possibilities as other people. Politicians can debate whether prostitution should be allowed in general, instead of preventing only the disabled from having access to it."

[yarnellcg17]

Dog learns kick-boxing
A former world champion kick-boxer is training his dog in the martial art.
http://www.ananova.com/images/web/367147.jpg
Russ Williams says 15-month-old Ringo Tsar can deliver a knock out punch with his paws.
He's been training Ringo, a Russian terrier, at their home at Caerwys, north Wales.
Mr Williams, who runs his own kick-boxing school, told the Daily Post: "I started thinking that he will grow into a large strong intelligent dog.
"So why teach him, as most dog handlers do, to bite? I decided to teach him to jump up on command and kick with his two front legs.
"I have been training him for weeks now and he will jump and kick on command to either punch bags or someone holding a kick pad."
Russian black terriers, also known as Russkiy Tchiorny Terriers, were specially bred in the former USSR and originally used for riot control.

[JsWoman]

Man left wife at filling station

A Macedonian drove six hours across Italy and into Germany before noticing he had left his wife at a petrol station.

Ljubomir Ivanov , 35, only realised he had forgotten wife Iskra, 37, when he got a call on his mobile from police to say she was still waiting for him at the petrol station near Pesaro, in central Italy.

He said: "I filled up the tank with petrol, paid and then just drove off. I was very tired and not thinking straight.

"She usually sits in the back seat so I didn't really see she wasn't there, until I got a call when I was already in Germany."

My Ivanov immediately drove back to Pesaro to pick up his wife so they could resume their holiday.

"I had a lot of apologising to do," he said.

[yarnellcg17]

What an event that would have been..
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You don’t have to be sophisticated to be a …

In October 2001, a US government informant, posing as a Somali terrorist, offered a man named Lakhani “millions of dollars” if he could sell him shoulder-fired missiles to shoot down American planes. Lakhani then bought a missile from a Russian and imported it into the US, disguised as medical equipment. The weapon was a dud — the seller was a Russian agent helping the Americans. The Gujarat-born businessman was arrested in August 2003 and convicted in April this year of supporting terrorism, money-laundering and illegal imports. Lakhani, a failed businessman who had declared bankruptcy, said he was no arms dealer. “There was no coercion. No threats, no guns to the defendant’s head,” a prosecutor said. “You don’t have to be sophisticated to be a criminal. You can be a dumb criminal.”

[JsWoman]

Autobahn turned to sludge

Hundreds of cars got stuck on a German autobahn when heavy rains turned the freshly laid tarmac into sticky sludge.

More than 200 cars travelling on the A20 autobahn in the northern state of Mecklenburg-Vorpommern were damaged when they became trapped.

A police spokesman said: "People are livid and even those that didn't get stuck will have major damage to their cars, which will cost thousands to repair, when the sludge dries and cannot be removed."


Dog shoots hunter

A Bulgarian hunter was shot by his own dog when he tried to knock a bird out of its mouth with his gun.

Vasil Plovdiv, 35, was shooting quail in Rasgrad in the north-east of the country with his German Pointer when the dog, which had retrieved a bird, refused to drop it.

According to police, Plovdiv tried to dislodge the dead quail from the pointer's mouth with the butt of his rifle but the dog sprung at him, knocking the trigger and peppering the hunter's chest with shot.

He is being treated for chest injuries at the local hospital.


When you gotta go, you gotta go

President Bush had to scrawl a note to Condoleezza Rice when he was bursting for the toilet during a top meeting.

Nature called in the middle of the planet's largest-ever gathering of national leaders meeting in New York to mark the UN's 60th anniversary.

President Bush was pictured passing Ms Rice a note scrawled in pencil pleading to be allowed a "bathroom break".

His request was snapped by Reuters photographer Rick Wilking whose zoom lens revealed it read: "I think I may need a bathroom break? Is this possible?"

A Reuters spokeswoman said: "He saw Mr Bush writing something down and was definitely going for the shot of him writing - but I don't think he knew exactly what was on the paper at the time."

[yarnellcg17]

Very Good Ones :)
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Pa. Man Impersonates Lawyer - Again

OAKMONT, Pa. Sep 8, 2005 — Allegheny County police don't deny that Charles Arrotti knows a lot about the law. But they say that doesn't make him a lawyer and that made it a crime when Arrotti argued 14 cases before local district judges.

Investigators say the 56-year-old Arrotti even bragged to some folks that he worked on the Robert Blake murder trial.

Arrotti served five months in jail after pleading guilty in 1993 to impersonating an attorney. He was found out again when county Detective J. Todd Moses, who investigated the Arrotti case way back then, recognized Arrotti in a district court room in March.
Arrotti has an unlisted phone and couldn't immediately be reached for comment today.

He is charged with 14 counts of unauthorized practice of law, theft by deception and theft of services.

[yarnellcg17]

Wheelchair ban for 'drink-driver'

A disabled man had his electric wheelchair confiscated after being caught more than four times over the drink drive limit.

Sven Mietke, 26, from Loebau in Germany, was fined £1,300 and banned from using his electric wheelchair for three months.

Police stopped Mietke as he was on his way to buy beer from a petrol station in the early hours of the morning.

They said he was going down the road from side-to-side and when breathalysed found he had 228 milligrams of alcohol in 100 millilitres of blood.

In Germany, the legal limit is 50 milligrams of alcohol in 100 millilitres of blood.

In court Mietke admitted: "I drink 10 to 12 bottles of beer a day."

He will now have to use a regular wheelchair until the ban is over.

[JsWoman]

Former President Bush Expresses Full Confidence In Son
Shortly Afterwards Reported to Have Slipped over Mexican Border

In a puzzling turn of events, former president George H. Bush was reported to have slipped into Mexico under cover of night, shortly after having expressed confidence in his president-elect son, George W. Bush. Unidentified sources close to the former president suggested he was bit "squeamish" living under his son's rule and felt he had a better chance living in a third world county like Mexico.
In a pre-Christmas interview, the elder Bush had sounded proud and excited about living under the presidency of his son George W. At one point he stated he was "bursting with pride" as he waited for his son to be sworn in as the next president. He also said he was confidant that his son would be able to assume the role of leader of the most powerful country in the world.
Apparently in private things were quite different. Close friends and relatives said George H. was worried and anxious about his son's presidency. He used words like "dim bulb" and "num-nut" when describing "W". He also rambled on about George Junior being a "fish out of water" who would lead the country into a "airless, lightless hole from which there would be no escape".
Bush the elder had apparently been feeling positive about his son's presidency until his designated vice president, Dick Cheney, had a mild heart attack. That apparently brought home to George H. the fact that his son might actually be required to undertake some presidential duties from time to time if his handlers would in some way fail him. It was at that time that the former president apparently started making plans to leave the country.
Just before leaving his Texas ranch and slipping into Mexico, Bush was reportedly heard mumbling about how he’d be happier living with the "little brown ones" than living in a country run by his "drug addled" son.


http://home.sprintmail.com/~davekre/GeogreHBandelier.gif

[yarnellcg17]

How not to get out of a date

A young woman met a man on the internet and decided she wanted to get on a plane to meet him in person. A the last minute she changed her mind and made a some rather stupid plans. To get out of meeting the man in person, the woman explained that she had been abducted. According to media reports the woman was supposed to fly to Kansas City to meet her new internet boyfriend. She never boarded the plane, but instead called the man and his mother to tell them that she had been abducted after landing in Kansas City. The woman was arrested after police conducted an expensive search for her. If the woman pleads guilty, prosecutors will ask for community service and restitution for the costs of the search, which is estimated to be over $10,000.

[JsWoman]

Man Gives Up On Women
April 10, 2003 - Atlanta, USA
Atlanta native auto mechanic Michael Ross publicly declares that he has given up the life long struggle to figure out what women really want. This came after a recently published report estimating American corporations had spent over $1 billion dollars in 2001 to determine what want women want from their products and marketing, and had largely failed. "If combining rooms full of highly skilled experts and truckloads of money can't figure these women out, how on earth is the typical blue collar man with $28,000 after tax dollars a year supposed to?" said Mr. Ross during an interview with Atlanta news reporters. "It may be that these women themselves have no idea what they are looking for or what will win them over. Many admit to having the exact same qualities in one man be endearing, while in another, off-putting." Mr. Ross's web site has generated over 32,000 letters of support from other men in its guest book since his announcement earlier in the day.

[yarnellcg17]

Jeesh..sounds like someone has their work cut out for them..
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Here is more.. :D

Chicago:
A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there.

Portsmouth, RI:
Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he: 1. fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and 2. later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.

Hannibal, Mo:
When Stan Caddell wanted to wash his Chevrolet, he backed the car into a foot of water in the Mississippi River at Hannibal, Missouri. When he got out to clean the car, it floated away. Police were able to retrieve the vehicle some distance downstream. According to an officer on the scene, no action would be taken against the driver because "you can't ticket a guy for being stupid..."

Kentucky
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

A bank robber in Bumpus, TN
A bank robber in Bumpus, Tenn., handed a teller the following note: "Watch out. This is a rubbery. I hav an oozy traned on your but. Dump the in a sack, this one. No die packkets or other triks or I will tare you a new naval. No kwarter with red stuff on them, too." Dr. Creon V.B. Smyk of the Ohio Valley Educational Council says such notes are, lamentably, the rule. "Right across the board, we see poor pre-writing skills, problems with omissions, tense, agreement, spelling and clarity," he moaned. Smyk believes that the quality of robbery notes could be improved if criminals could be taught to plan before writing. "We have to stress organization: Make an outline of your robbery note before you write it," he said. "Some of the notes get totally sidetracked on issues like the make, model and caliber of the gun, number of bullets, etc., until one loses sight of the main idea -- the robbery."

[JsWoman]

Owner of Perfect House Lives in Car
September 18, 2002 - Baltimore, USA
In fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan. “I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads.” Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, “If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I’m willing to pay.”


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Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign
September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA
In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle."


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Worlds Cheapest Tip
September 1, 2002 - Arkansas, USA
An Arkansas primary school teacher has been declared the worlds cheapest tipper after ordering more than $250 worth of food and drinks for his wife and self and leaving a 5 rupee tip. Rupee, an Indian currency, is worth approximately 0.02 of an American dollar. When questioned the man replied, "I had just returned from a trip to India and I had mistaken the coins for more valuable American currency." Relaying this to the offended waitress she responded, "His excuse is weak, since when would you be cracking out foreign coins (that do not even resemble American money) as a tip for a $250 dollar dinner? There is no way with a bill like that you would use coins to tip at the customary 10%-15%, and even tipping at something like 3% would still need bills. His tip wasn't even a percent!"