Reclusive tendencies

[Arkacia]

I am listening to the neighbours across the road having a party, and all the laughing and fun they seem to be having. It just crossed my mind that I should be feeling jelous that they are having such a good time, and I'm stuck at home typing this.

The surprising thing is, I'm not jelous at all. I actually feel glad I'm not a part of their festivities. The reason why is because I'm one of those people who just is'nt a social butterfly. I don't like crowds, especially crowds of people I don't know, don't feel comfortable in a party environment, and have trouble interacting with large groups of people. I am however completly comfortable in any sort of family setting, or with small groups (no more than 6 to 8 others).This means I get a lot of comments from people about being a bit reclusive (maybe I am), and shy (I'd say cautious more than shy in my case).

This got me wondering what it is about the human psyche that makes those of us who are'nt comfortable in social settings looked down upon by some of those "party animal" types, and why peference for spending time alone over spending time with a group is considered wrong. Is it just the herd mentality, or something else?

[Prozza]

I think i know how you feel, i don't like being around people i don't know and ill only go to partys where i know everyone, i'm never in a rush to get out of the house and if im invited out ill only go if i aint got something better to do.

I believe in the herd mentality, there are people out there who just wouldn't cope if they wern't with someone else all the time.

[Mick]

I'm not much of a party person either. If I know most people there I would enjoy it but if I don't know anyone there I wouldn't feel comfortable. I don't drink much any more so that may have something to do with it. At most parties people expect you to get drunk, and if you don't drink, people think you're odd.

I may be a bit shy at times but I don't spend all my time alone. I talk to people all day while i'm working, visit friends after work sometimes. I do enjoy spending some time alone, not all the time but I can't be around someone 24hrs a day. I do know a couple of people who like to have someone around all the time. They are both from big families so I think this may have something to do with it.

I think that human race are fairly social and interactive so if you prefer to spend some of your time alone then people see you as anti-social. It is seen as "normal" by most, to want to be around others. Personally I think it is herd mentality but just because you are alone does not mean you are reclusive.

If you spend time interacting with other people in chatrooms, forums, messages, etc it is still being social, just in a different form, maybe one you are more comfortable with. I do think it would be wrong to spend all your time alone and never go out, but that is an extreme case and probably doesn't happen very often.

As far as parties go, I think they are just a teenage custom that some people never grow out of. Maybe i'm not that keen on seeing lots of people getting drunk because I was always the one who had to control the wild ones, break up fights, protect the house from damage, drive home the sick, drive the injured to hospital, and the list goes on. It's very rare for me to go out and not have some drunken idiot spoil the night, alcohol brings out the worst in some people. Althoough I should note that some parties have more drugs than alcohol and this can create even more problems.

Anyway, i'm starting to wander off the topic so maybe I should stop now :p

[pollovivo]

For years upon years, I was extremely anti-social and only recently have broken out of my shell. I realized how much I have been missing once I started going to parties. :D

[Every1sHero]

I'm only adding to this discussion because I add a new dimension to the topic.

I am the exact opposite of those who posted before me; I feel more at homes in a group of friends and at parties than sitting at home by myself. But by no means am I condemning it (by typing this I am condoning it), and I agree with Mick entirely. Mick, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said this is just another way for people to socialize. I think that this is one reason that I am attracted to forums when I am home alone; because it is another way to socialize.

Pollovivo, I understand what you mean about parties. They rock and rock rudely (Lol, a little Beastie Boys lingo for you all).

[Shaggy]

I never knew party goes looked down on people who like being alone? Do they?

[Mick]

What's this???... a short post in Serious Discussions....naughty, naughty.... but since you're our beloved Admin I think i'll leave that one:D

Don't get me wrong, I like socialising but I do like some time alone. In my spare time I do try to spend time with friends and family. My biggest problem is that my best friends are all living a long way from my house so it does get difficult to visit all the time.
So I guess when i'm home alone I use the internet to socialise instead. Now that I think of it, when I do want time alone that does include using the net so is that really being alone? It is being alone physically but still communicating or interacting with other people with a computer.

[Arkacia]

I never knew party goes looked down on people who like being alone? Do they?
Oh yes, I've lost count of the number of times over the years that friends have been trying to drag me out to some party or another, I've not wanted to go, and their reaction has been something along the lines of "come on, come out with us, you don't want to be home alone, do you?". When I've responed yes, I do prefer that, to a huge noisy party full of strangers, I usually got laughed at. It was confusing to them that I would'nt jump at the chance for a party :).

I don't count socialisation on the internet as quite the same, because its faceless. I've never felt shy or anything talking to people on the net. In fact I'd say I'm 100 times more outgoing on this thing, than in real life. No-one really know who and what you are, unless you tell them. There are people I talk to a lot on the net who's age I don't know, who've I've never seen a pic of, so I don't know what they look like, etc. In a real life situation people can sum you up with a glance, and have an impression of you before even knowing your name. That does'nt happen on the net. You make your own net persona (though mine is pretty much me, except for the above), and others take that for granted, not knowing any better.

[rawwar13]

i like parties but only small ones and if i know people i only go to two BIG parties a year

[maks4]

good post! Hello!!!!!!!!

[ivan4]

good post:angry:

[briarthorn]

about the parties. i have never been to one but i do want to go to one just to see if it would be fun. i usually dont like big social events or really talking online. i am kind of reclusive even with my family. the reason i am reclusive though is i get pissed off really easily by minor things which make me want to punch someone in the face so i am reclusive to not hurt anybody. also when i am not alone i cant as easily as i do when im alone. i am currently trying to work on the anger thing and be more social however so dont judge me. i dont really like being reclusive because after a few years it gets really boring because you have already done everything you can think of. and i do like talking online better because as one of you said its not face to face and you have a chance to create the persona you want and noone will really judge you.

[jek3]

good post:angry:

[briarthorn]

i just have one quick question. why does half the posts just say good post or good post hello?

[lev1]

good post:angel1: